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  • Writer's pictureMairead Loughman

A Matchmaker's Guide - How to ask someone on a date

If the last year and endless lockdowns have taught us anything, it is that we need to embrace life and not waste any potential love opportunities.

A survey of couples in long term relationships found that - 39% met through friends - 15% met at work - 9% doing sports/hobby - 8% online dating - 7% through family - 6% in college/school The rest, through numerous other loves stories however, none met sitting at home waiting for a knock at the door. So, get out there and ask someone out. Ladies, that includes you!

With the country starting to open up but with no clear dates on when we can meet for a drink and with most of the big Irish events unsure if they are going ahead in 2021, we need to make the most of all opportunities to find love.

1. Don't overthink it. Rejection... there, I said it. Dating's biggest fear but what if they say yes? If rejection is something that you struggle with, perhaps now would be a good time to have a chat with yourself about how you feel about yourself, your self image and your need to stop caring what people think about you. I don't know anyone that wouldn't like to be asked out on a date so go for it!

2. Keep it simple. Don't approach it from a needy place and try to make it about both of you, not just about you. Say "It would be cool for "us" to go for a drink sometime" Don't Say "I would love to bring you out sometime" Note keeping it simple and not using words like "it would be amazing" or "OMG, I would love to meet up sometime". (Hopefully they say, "yes that would be great" / "yes, why not").

3. Hand them your phone and say "pop your number in my phone and I will give you a shout to arrange it".

4. For anyone that listened to my podcast with Celebrity Male Dating Coach, Kezia Noble from Channel 4, you would have heard this tip- Be busy for the next week. "Unfortunately, this week is really busy so let me get this week out of the way and lets do something next week, say Tuesday or Wednesday evening? I'll give you a shout next week to arrange it". Most people have plans for the weekends so by saying Tue or Wed, you increase your chance of them saying yes, reducing the chance of them saying "I'll have to get back to you" and also, if they have to wait a few days, they are less likely to flake on the date.

5. Future Projections. Painting a picture of how it will be when you are together. Be playful and cheeky with this. "I bet you are great fun on a night out or maybe you might be a little too crazy for me, we will just have to see". Their natural reaction will be to qualify themselves which is ideal as now they are no longer deciding if they would like to go on a date but trying to prove to you that they are good fun.

6. If you are asking in real life, don't just walk up to them and ask them out. Start with small talk and gauge the conversation. If you engage with someone and they don't reply, are short with you or move further away, then move on. If not, chat for a few minutes then "can I ask, are you single?", "we should go for a coffee sometime!".

7. Fancy someone you work with? WFH has its perks but missing your work crush is no fun and staff nights out cancelled means much fewer office kisses. Here are a few ways to line up a colleague to get a date. 1. When you have a zoom meeting/ meeting with someone you know really well, you pretend you never noticed them before so this should be fun and over the top. "You work at my office don't you? What was your name again? Ah yes, John... You are cute, how have I never noticed you before? You are just my type... we should grab a drink sometime after work". Yes, it is friendly banter but it plants the right seed. 2. "It is such a good thing that we are colleagues, as you and I would be somuch trouble for each other". (People love what they can't have and people also love to break rules!) 3. Listen to my podcast with Kezia Noble, we discuss a very subtle yet extremely powerful flirting technique that lets your colleague know you fancy them but won't get you in trouble! Perfect for office flirting! (Sorry for everyone that works in HR but work/life/love balance is extremely important).

8. Ask. Them. Out...make a conscious decision that you are going to start asking people out. You will dramatically increase your chances of finding love, you will increase your confidence and you will stop wasting great dating opportunities.

9. If they say no, that's fine. Nobody died, at least you asked. Say "no problem, no harm in asking" with a smile.

10. But... they might say yes! So just ask them out!

Mairead's tip- if you have fancied someone for more than 30 days, ask them out today or stop thinking about them. We do not obsess over someone we are not actually dating, it is only holding you back from meeting your real person. This is your sign to bite the bullet.

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